Meeting The Parents
by therealebonygoddess
Summary: Collection of one short stories with One Piece characters as parents. Give it a try :) Light humor and random pairings (some extreme).
1. Nami x Sanji

Well...this is my first time ever trying out humour, so do go easy on me with the constructive criticism. Hope you do enjoy though *crosses fingers*.

* * *

Nami wrapped her arms round Sanji and perked his cheek with a grin on her face, "our baby is all grown up now."

Sanji who was reading his newspaper nodded his head, ignoring Nami even when rubbed her bosom against his head. Giving up she sighed and yelled, "SANJI!" expecting a reaction of some sort.

He had a blood soaked tissue against his nose and a rather creepy smile on his face, "yes she is all grown up."

There was a knock at the door. Sanji placed his newspaper down and put a cigarette in his mouth. Their daughter, Bellemere, had spoken of her prom date many times, but he had never met him in person.

Sanji was about to open the door, when Nami gently pressed his shoulders, "it's fine honey. I'll get this."

Strutting in her ridiculously expensive dress she had brought just that afternoon, she opened the door to find a handsome young man standing at the door.

He bowed and introduced himself as well as smiled rather charmingly at Nami who just scoffed at him. Beauty, charm and respect were not going to win her over. His skin was spotless and had a light tan. His teeth were milky white and not to mention perfectly straight. She found no fault in him. She knew designer when she saw it and the suit the young man was wearing was not something to sneeze at. After a quick calculation, she conjectured that it was nearly the same amount as her most expensive pair of heels. Her attention was then caught by the corsage he was holding.

Her enigmatic expression was replaced with a smile, "come on in!"

She showed him the way looking awfully vivacious, "are those real diamonds in the white roses?"

"Only the best for my beautiful Bellemere," the young man said.

"_My_ Bellemere," Sanji corrected. His daughter belonged to no other, but him.

"Honey, please," Nami defended and then from the corner of her mouth, "his rich!"

She turned and faced the young man, "so tell me more about your money. I mean, you, of course."

Nami rubbed her hands together, her eyes in beli signs. The young man was about to speak when they were interrupted by Bellemere calling her mother to help her out. Nami politely smiled at the young man and told him she would be right back before running off to her daughter's room.

* * *

An awkward silence filled the room, as well as smoke from Sanji's cigarette. Kakashi kept checking the time, with the corsage and flowers in his hands. He was wearing a white suit and shirt with a lime green tie. Bellemere had told him she was going to wear a lime green dress as well. Nervous, he looked at the corsage wondering if she was going to like it. She was a rather high maintenance girl, but he didn't mind. He would give her the world if she asked.

The corsage had three white roses with diamonds in the middle. He had made sure the leaves were the same colour as the green dress she was wearing and the ribbon was a golden brown colour, to go with her beautiful russet eyes.

He realized he had forgotten something. Grinning at his stupidity, he pulled out the latest set of knives he had bought for Sanji and gave them to him, "this is my thank you gift, for giving me the pleasure of taking your daughter out on a date."

Sanji took a drag of his cigarette and crammed the butt into the ashtray on the lounge table, "you think you can just buy me with-"

He stopped mid-sentence as he fawned over the knives, "these are the limited edition from Zeff's master collection! Just how did you get your hands on these!? I was going to buy them, but Nami used all the money to get a pair of shoes instead! I..I..I don't even know what to say."

He cleared his throat and looked at Kakashi, a much more serious look on his face as he continued to admire each knife, his eyes not meeting Kakashi's, but his point getting across, "Kakashi Sukamto, if you for a second make my beautiful daughter cry or leave tonight with any regrets, I will gut you with this knife you bought me."

Kakashi gulped as Sanji pointed the knife at him, his eyes still on the knife, "you do have good taste. I will give you that."

* * *

Lacing her daughter's dress, Nami began to ask some questions, "so, is he the wealthiest person at school?"

"Well, Lenna is the wealthiest," Bellemere sighed.

"Oh, King Luffy's daughter is it?" Nami asked and Bellemere nodded.

"Yes, that is why I made her my best friend the first day of nursery," Bellemere smiled, "Kakashi's family are the second wealthiest. Us being fourth of course."

"Fourth, I'm not happy with that," Nami admitted, "I will make your father work twice as hard."

"Yeah, but he is competing against Count Shanks, that's not going to happen," Bellemere told her mother as she got up and looked into the mirror one last time.

As she was going out she felt her mother hit her ass and turned round to find Nami smile, "go sink your claws into him and never let him go! That boy downstairs is going to be your husband –unless if you can get Lenna to marry you."

* * *

Sanji was flabbergasted when he saw Bellemere walking down the stairs with his love close behind. They were the picture perfect family if anything.

"Bellemereeeee," Sanji said as he wriggled towards his daughter and held her in his arms, "you look so gorgeous and beautiful and pretty."

He glared at Kakashi and Kakashi agreed with Sanji, walking towards her, "I bought this for you."

Bellemere smiled as she put out her hand for him. He tied it onto her wrist and looked into her beautiful eyes, his hand still holding hers.

Nami nudged Sanji, "go get the camera. This is the beginning of a beautiful romance."


	2. Hina x Smoker

Irregular updates :) I won't go a week without updating though. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Smoker walked in, two cigars in his mouth and his shirt slightly opened revealing his muscular body. He did not know what to make of the scene before him.

"Sanna?" he spat his daughter's name, "what are you wearing?"

Hina looked at him and shook her head, "let her go to the prom. All her friends will be there."

Smoker looked at Hina and sighed. Fighting against her was just too much of a tedious task so he gave in.

"...on one condition," Smoker said as he placed his Nanashaku Jitte by the door and walked towards his wife.

Like Hina, Sanna also had pink hair, but it was a much lighter pink –almost white. She had doeful brown eyes like the mother and her lips were painted red.

"Tell me everything about him..."

Sanna grinned as Smoker placed his arm round Hina, who snuggled up. `

"Where to start?" Sanna squealed like a schoolgirl in love, "his perfect. He always protects me and he is super strong."  
Smoker nodded, he already liked this guy.

"He has scruffy black hair and freckles. He has the most gorgeous eyes I have seen daddy," Sanna continued, her cheeks slightly red, "and a big-"

"OKAY!" Smoker shouted, wishing for her not to continue.

She ignored her father's and continued, "and a big smile. The biggest smile I have ever seen."

The father felt his cheeks go a little red as Hina looked up at him, "you are dirty."

"When I am crying, he always makes me laugh," Sanna said, "when I am with his friends, he treats me in the same way he does when I am alone. We also do a lot of naughty things together like the time when he was sent to jail for me-"

Before Smoker could shout at her, there was a knock at the door. Exhilarated, Sanna ran and opened it to find her date standing there.

"Enchante mademoiselle," he said as he pulled her into a kiss, "you look beautiful as always."

Smoker stood up and his eyes met with the dates, "Gol D. Ace!"

"Portgas D. Ace to you," Ace grinned as he stood before Smoker. He was not even wearing a proper suit, despite the fact that he was going to prom. He was in black trousers that were held up by an expensive looking belt (that Smoker suspected had been stolen) and an unbuttoned black waistcoat, "fancy meeting you here."

Hina gasped, "Hina mad. Hina very mad. Sanna, you cannot go with this guy! He is a criminal."

"Ace is nice. Ace is very nice," Ace mocked quite charmibly as Sanna giggled.

Smoker was about to launch a punch at him when he grabbed Sanna and made a run for it. Sanna wrapped her hands round Ace and laughed. There was never a boring day with her boyfriend, "I'll be home really late mummy and daddy."  
Ace stopped running and went through his pocket, Smoker running towards him like the wind. He pulled out a packet of cigars and threw them straight at Smoker, "I THOUGHT YOU WOULD WANT SOMETHING SPECIAL. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUR DAUGHTER."


	3. Tashigi x Zoro

**A/N**: I alter ages to make the whole prom thing work (like I did for Ace), but there will be special exceptions were I will chose not to, like this particular one shot and there will be one other as well. You have been warned :) Also thanks to Maybelady for being so supportive when I felt like giving up on this. You were of great help with the advice and the ideas as well as the lines you gave me :)

This was like my third try at the chapter, so I hope you really do enjoy it.

* * *

I scoffed at the hot pink dress in front of me; I could have bought a better katana with that money. Mother insisted on me going to prom, but I had other things on my mind. My eyes glistened as I thought of how the night was going to end, but snapped out of it immediately. There was still much to be done.

Unsure, I looked at the products lying on my bed. I was never one to sink as low as to try looking pretty for a boy like all the other superficial girls, Bellemere, but this was different. It was for my one and only, so it made it right.

There was a note on the make-up bag. I scratched my head as I wondered why there was a price written on the paper but then crumbled it up and threw it to the side.

"LIKE HELL!" I screamed a little too loudly. Bellemere never gave anyone anything for free. Like her mother, she was a money-sucking leech and used every opportunity to her advantage. I was not going to pay her such a ridiculous amount for using her make-up just once. If she had a problem, she could answer to my sword.

It's not like I hated her or anything. She was more like my natural born frenemy.

Rumour has it that our pregnant mother's stayed away from each other because we kicked each time we were as much as an inch from each other, but then again, that was just a rumour –not so reliable.

Despite our lucid differences, she had taught me a thing or two about looking pretty and thanks to that; I was going to be perfect for my Sensei. Just the thought of his eyes looking into mine was enough to make me weak in the knees. I was by far the luckiest girl in the whole world.

I quickly slipped into the dress and it looked ever so exquisite on me. I even looked prettier than the wretched witch –Bellemere. I pouted like a child as I realized green hair and a hot pink dress never really went well together. _Maybe he wouldn't notice?_ I frowned. _He would_. He was the most vigilant man I had ever met.

"That won't be a problem," I smiled enthusiastically, my eye twitching a little, "I can always put loads of pink stuff in my hair to draw less attention to it. If that doesn't work, I will have no choice but to follow my father's advice. Cutting my problems does seem to solve everything like he said it would. Yosh! Let's do this."

I picked up my phone and checked the time. He was going to arrive soon and knowing him, he was a little too punctual.

He has this habit of parking his car outside my house until the designated time. Sometimes I go look out the window and watch him sit quietly in his cars, whilst thinking of all sorts of things, like how it would feel to kiss him.

Slapping both my cheeks at the same time I looked into the mirror, with a much fiercer gaze. I had to get serious. Time was not exactly on my side. With all the courage I had, I picked up the tweezer. I swallowed hard as I told myself that I had to endure. _For him_. I plucked the first hair and my face became so contorted I made Lenna's aunties, Sandersonia and Marigold, look somewhat attractive. I smiled at myself as I realised that though it was pretty intense, it was not quite as bad as I thought it would be.

I tilted my head to the side and then the other, my mouth hung open as I looked at my uneven eyebrows. I grabbed the mirror and pulled it closer hoping I was seeing things. I hit my forehead and took in deep breaths whilst reassuring myself that "I did try. It's not that bad anyways. I could lie it's a style young girls do nowadays?"

My eye twitched again as I realised that lying to him was futile. He was able to read me like a book. Not to mention the way I lost my abilities to lie each time I stared into those godly eyes.

Throwing the damned tweezer to the other side of the room, I started on my make-up. I began to apply a thick layer of foundation, unsure when to stop. It didn't go well with my skin tone, but it certainly did a great job covering my scratches so I was content.

I picked up the bright pink lipstick and applied a generous amount, some smudging to the sides. I pressed my lips together and then puckered, my cheeks going red at the thought of tonight. Today, he had promised to ravish me. He had even joked about eating me out, but the look in his eyes had said different. Everything seemed less of a joke each time I met his serious gaze –like there was some truth in his words.

"Hmm, I wonder what he would eat anyways," I thought as my hand held in a nosebleed, my lips curved into a smile not short of creepy. Bellemere had told me of what boys ate a while back.

Wiping my nose I put on some eye shadow and decided that maybe it was best that I waxed my legs as well, seeing he was going to go down under.

What if he asked me to do naughty things too? What was I going to do? The naughtiest thing I knew was kissing, and I had never even done that before either.

I had to do my legs and practice kissing. Quickly, I applied my homemade sugar wax on my legs and rubbed on strip sheets. As if on cue, I heard my little kitten purr and grinned. All I had to do was practice, right?

"Here kitty kitty," I called out, snapping my fingers at Santoryuu. It was good that my kitten just so happened to be a male as well. I looked at Santoryuu, holding his paws down, I did not wish for him to add more scratches to my face, "Okay, now bear with me. I need to do this okay."

A sweat dropped as I realized just how wrong this was.

"But everything was right if it was for him," thought I as I dreamily looked at the ceiling and then back at Santoryuu. I closed my eyes and puckered up, slowly moving my head closer and closer despite Santoryuu's desperate pleas. One eye opened as I was only a few inches from him. I looked at his mouth and then his furry face.

"Santoryuu has no lips?" I gasped as I stared at him long and hard, but this was cut short by the sound of a knock at the front door.

Nervous I opened my phone and realized it was time. I awkwardly ran down the stairs, wax still on my legs. My mother was on her way to the door when she caught sight of me.

"Hey, you look pale, what's the matter?" my father asked.

"Zoro! Open the door, I will be taking care of our daughter okay," she replied as my dad nodded.

"Holy Mother of-" my dad said in utter horror –almost looking disgusted by the state of my face.

"Zoro!"

He refrained from finishing the sentence and weakly walked towards the door as my mother grabbed my hand and ran up with me.

* * *

"It has been a while since I last saw you," Zoro laughed as he welcomed his visitor, "it is nice of you to give our daughter a ride to prom."

"Prom?" the man asked as he looked at Zoro rather confused, "is that what she said?"

"No...er...not exactly. I just assumed that since you are-"

They both stopped talking when they heard Kuina's bloodcurdling scream from upstairs, followed by a yelling Tashigi.

"WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST USED SHAVING CREAM KUINA! OR SHAVED YOUR LEGS LIKE ANY NORMAL TEENAGE GIRL WOULD DO!?"

"BECAUSE BELLEMERE SAID SHE DOES THIS ALL THE TIME MOTHER! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS SHAVING CREAM YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT IS ANYWAY!"

"OH! SO THIS IS HOW IT IS! IF BELLEMERE WENT JUMPING OFF A CLIFF I BET YOU WOULD FOLLOW HER, WOULDN'T YOU?"

"DON'T BE STUPID MOTHER, IF ANYTHING I WOULD PUSH HER RIGHT OFF!"

Zoro cleared his throat as he closed the door and led the visitor to a much quieter room, "Have you met her date? Kuina seemed awfully excited. I can't say the same, however. Is he a pupil of yours?"

Mihawk nodded as he crossed his legs, "Yes. Great man, the only one worthy of your daughter in my opinion."

"Gaining your approval, must be a formidable young man," Zoro said as he felt at ease. He had been happy that ever since she was a child, Kuina had never showed interest in the opposite sex. She was always exerting herself forward and aiming to become the best. It was good to know that she had found herself someone who also had that ambition –after all, only those with great ambition ever gained the respect of Mihawk.

"Indeed," Mihawk replied.

"I am glad to hear that."

* * *

I sat down as my mother curled my hair. I looked much more gorgeous now. My mum had found a way to even out my eyebrows without making it look awkward. My make-up was much more moderate and the green and hot pink didn't seem to clash as much.

"Sweetheart," my mum smiled as she sprayed my hair, "I feel it's time we had...the talk."

A shiver of dread crept down my body.

"I never thought that one day, you would find a man," Tashigi said truthfully, sniffing back some tears, "especially the moment I held you in my arms for the first time and saw your head filled with green hair. I cried so hard that night, because I felt so sorry for you. It was absolute that you would never find love."

I awkwardly sat on my bed as my mother bashed my hair to no end.

"You were cute, but it looked like you had mould growing on your head. I always kept it covered so that you wouldn't scare off the other kids."

As if she could not sense my discomfort, she continued on.

"Even when you were still in my tummy, Bellemere would kick her mother whenever I was near because she sensed something was not right with you."

I looked at my face in the mirror, not sure how to respond to her.

"I always used insect repellent because many bugs would mistake your hair for a patch of green grass."

"ENOUGH! I'm going!"

"Sweetie wait, I haven't told you of the time that you were pu-"

"I DON'T CARE!" I growled as I slammed the door shut, leaving her to clear up the room. I took in a deep breath as I made my way down the stairs.

* * *

Mihawk's eyes diverted from Zoro's gaze, "can you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The sound of a marimo goddess descending," Mihawk stood from where he sat and went to meet Kuina halfway, "Kuina."

"Dracule," Kuina smiled as she felt his lips against hers. Her heart began to beat faster as she felt his tongue slid into her mouth.

My tolerance level...exceeded. It had come naturally. There had been nothing awkward about it. I wrapped my hands round his neck and hesitantly went in for another kiss. My eyes remained closed as my head turned in all different directions as I searched for his lips. I felt him pull my closer as his lips meeting mines once again.

"It would have been a waste giving my first kiss to a kitten," I giggled as Dracule looked at me rather bewildered.

"What?"

"What?" I responded nervously, realising I had just said it out loud.

The damned kitten decided to make an entrance at that very moment as he took his time to walk past us. Dracule watched Santoryuu closely, looked at the side for a while as if making sense of what I had just said and then laughed in my face. I could not help but blush.

He gently held my jaw, his thumb softly caressing my pink lips, "I must say, that was the best kiss I've ever had."

"Dracule..."

"This colour looks terrible on you, Kuina," he smirked, "Let me help you out of this dress. You'll look so much more beautiful without it."

We both heard the sound of swords being unsheathed. I almost fainted when I noticed my father place a sword in his mouth. He had been watching?

Calmly, Dracule looked my way, "I think we should make a run for it?"

I nodded my head, unable to say no. The last thing I wanted to do was suffer my father's wrath. Dracule carried me as he skilfully dodged each one of my father's flying cutting attacks. By the time we entered Dracule's sports car, the house was falling to pieces.

Prom? Like I was ever going to show up there! Before Dracule had taken his hat off, my dress was already on the floor.


End file.
